Finding Purpose In Fatherhood

Last night, I lay in bed with intention. I took time to focus on my breath, calming my mind and diving deeper into my thoughts. It’s something I’ve been trying to do more of—taking a step outside of myself to get a clearer view of my life and the emotions swirling inside me.

As I lay there, I reflected on all the things I should be grateful for. My wife, my son, my friends, my home. I have more than enough. I live in a comfortable suburban neighborhood, surrounded by people who care about me. All my basic needs are covered. In fact, some of what I have would be considered luxuries to many. Yet here I am, feeling stuck—wrestling with this sense of purposelessness. And as I did this mental inventory of my life, I couldn’t ignore the harsh reality that so many people around the world are suffering in ways I can hardly imagine.

I thought about people living in war-torn countries, enduring the loss of loved ones, their homes, and their sense of safety. Families wiped out by natural disasters, children being trafficked and abused, people fighting to survive in conditions I’ll likely never experience. It made me realize how fortunate I am, and that in comparison, my struggles seem small. I’m not facing those horrors. I’m not in constant danger or grappling with daily survival.

So, as I laid there, I felt a wave of gratitude. I’m grateful for my health, my family, the roof over our heads, and the ability to live a life free from the extreme suffering that many endure. But despite this gratitude, there’s still something inside me that feels… hollow. As much as I acknowledge how good I have it, I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I’m meant for more. That my life, as it is right now, is lacking a deeper purpose.

Now, though, that feeling is accompanied by a new one: guilt. I ask myself, How can I sit here feeling unsatisfied when others are going through hell? Am I selfish for wanting more from life when so many people have less than nothing? Is it fair for me to yearn for meaning and fulfillment when my life, by so many standards, is easy and comfortable?

These are the questions I’m left with. I’m not sure what the answers are yet, but I hope that as I continue on this path of self-exploration, I’ll start to uncover some clarity. Maybe by sharing this journey, I’ll help someone else who feels the same way. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll find the purpose I’ve been searching for.

Until then, I’m learning to hold space for both gratitude and the longing for something more.