Finding Purpose In Fatherhood

As a father approaching middle age, I find myself asking a question that weighs heavily on my mind: Have I missed my chance to truly pursue my purpose? It’s a thought that has crossed my mind more often lately, especially as I reflect on the years behind me and the years ahead.

Part of me wonders if my purpose could be as simple and profound as being the best father I can be. Maybe my son is the legacy I’ll leave behind. But then, there’s another part of me—the anxious part—that asks if I’m overcomplicating this whole idea of “purpose” to begin with.

To make sense of it all, I’ve had to ask myself: What does living with purpose really mean?

I came across a definition from Stanford psychologist William Damon and his colleagues that resonated with me. They define purpose as “a stable and generalized intention to accomplish something that is at once meaningful to the self and of consequence to the world beyond the self.” It sounds simple on the surface, but breaking it down reveals a few key aspects that make it much more profound:

1. Purpose is more than the day-to-day goals of getting through life—it’s stable, far-reaching, and enduring.
2. It has an external facet, something that stretches beyond just our individual needs and desires.
3. It involves some form of achievement, progress, or completion, whether in big or small ways.

This idea is echoed by experts in positive psychology who explain that purpose and meaning are essential for happiness, flow, and optimal living. That’s the life I want—a life well-lived, one that feels fulfilling not just for me but for those I care about most.

As I dig deeper into this journey, I’ve decided to explore the Japanese concept of Ikigai, which is often translated as “a reason for being.” It’s about finding something that brings joy, meaning, and purpose into every day—a balance between what you love, what the world needs, what you’re good at, and what you can be paid for. Could Ikigai offer some insight into what my purpose might be? Could it help me better define my role as a father, husband, and individual?

I don’t have the answers yet, but I’m excited to learn more. As I begin this exploration, I invite you to join me on this journey. Maybe you’re feeling some of the same doubts and questions. Maybe together, we can figure out what living with purpose truly looks like.

Stay tuned to see what I learn about Ikigai, and let’s see if we can both find a little more clarity along the way.