As I navigate this journey of finding purpose, I recently stumbled upon the Japanese concept of Ikigai. Roughly translating to “a reason for being,” Ikigai offers a framework to uncover what brings fulfillment and joy into life. It’s not about monumental achievements or grand gestures. Instead, it’s about finding harmony between what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for.
This resonates deeply with me because, as a father approaching middle age, I’ve been grappling with questions about my purpose. Have I missed my chance to pursue it? Could my purpose be as simple as being the best father possible? Or am I overthinking this, letting my anxiety overcomplicate something that could be straightforward?
What Does Living With Purpose Mean?
Before diving into Ikigai, I wanted to better understand what purpose actually means. Stanford psychologist William Damon defines purpose as “a stable and generalized intention to accomplish something that is at once meaningful to the self and of consequence to the world beyond the self.” Purpose isn’t about the small, day-to-day tasks—it’s about something enduring, something bigger than yourself.
This definition got me thinking. Purpose doesn’t have to be about changing the world in a dramatic way. It can be as personal as creating a stable, loving home for my family or as outward-facing as helping other fathers find meaning in their own lives. But it should feel meaningful to me and make a difference beyond just myself.
The Four Pillars of Ikigai
Ikigai takes this idea of purpose and breaks it into four overlapping areas:
- What You Love (Your Passion): What lights you up? What activities make you lose track of time because you’re so immersed in them?
- What You’re Good At (Your Vocation): The skills and talents you’ve developed over time.
- What the World Needs (Your Mission): How you can contribute to others or address meaningful problems.
- What You Can Be Paid For (Your Profession): Roles or work that offer financial stability while aligning with your skills and interests.
At the center of these four elements is your Ikigai—the sweet spot where joy, meaning, and fulfillment converge.
Applying Ikigai to My Life
Reflecting on my own journey, I realized that I’ve already touched on parts of my Ikigai. For example:
- What I Love: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu has been a transformative hobby for me. It challenges me physically and mentally while providing a sense of community that I’ve come to value deeply. Writing and sharing my thoughts through this blog is another passion that helps me process my emotions and connect with others.
- What I’m Good At: Over the years, I’ve honed skills in communication, relationship-building, and goal-setting, especially through my career in sales. These strengths are transferable and could help me make an impact in new ways.
- What the World Needs: I see a gap in support for fathers who feel stuck, who are trying to find their purpose while balancing the demands of family life. Sharing my journey and struggles could resonate with others and inspire them to explore their own paths.
- What I Can Be Paid For: While my current career has provided financial stability, I’ve been questioning whether it aligns with my values and long-term goals. Transitioning into a field like health, wellness, or personal development—areas that connect to my passions—could help bridge this gap.
A Practical Step: Mapping My Ikigai
To explore my Ikigai, I’ve started by asking myself these questions:
- What do I love? Family time, BJJ, writing, and helping others find meaning.
- What am I good at? Communication, storytelling, mentoring, and relationship-building.
- What does the world need? Support for fathers, community-building, and a focus on mental health and wellness.
- What can I be paid for? Coaching, wellness programs, storytelling, and creating resources for personal growth.
By mapping these out, I’m beginning to see where they overlap and how I might realign my life to reflect my Ikigai.
The Path Forward
Finding purpose doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t have to be a grand revelation. Ikigai teaches us that purpose can be rooted in small, intentional actions that bring joy and meaning to everyday life. For me, that might mean continuing to grow as a father, expanding this blog to connect with other dads, and exploring ways to integrate my love for BJJ and wellness into a new chapter of my career.
I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m excited to dig deeper and see where this journey leads. If you’re also exploring your own Ikigai, I invite you to join me. Together, we can navigate the complexities of purpose and create lives that feel meaningful, not just for ourselves, but for the people we care about most.
What’s Next?
In the coming weeks, I’ll dive deeper into the concept of Ikigai and share what I’m learning. I hope my journey inspires you to reflect on your own. What does your Ikigai look like? Let’s figure it out together.
Finding Purpose In Fatherhood 
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